Wednesday, January 1, 2014

So it is almost the end of January 1st, 2014, and I have not given any thought to resolutions until this morning, when I did something I am not particularly proud of. So here is the deal: I should always try to be a better me. That's what I believe anyway. 

C.S. Lewis said, "These, then are the two points I wanted to make. First, that human beings, all over the earth, have this curious idea that they ought to behave in a certain way, and cannot really get rid of it. Secondly, that they do not in fact behave in that way. They know the Law of Nature; they break it. These two facts are the foundation of all clear thinking about ourselves and the universe we live in."

The Apostle Paul said it like this in the book of Romans: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do... For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing...So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am!"

So the biggest problems I have, the habits that I find most unsettling about myself, are pretty well entrenched. They have all the best excuses for themselves, and pretty much have me convinced that they are the right way for me to behave. That I deserve to do them. They have triggers. When someone does something or says something, or when I am not given a thing which I feel I deserve, I hear these things call out to me offering me comfort and revenge. I would be more specific, but I am not using this as a platform to speak ill of anyone in particular, because the end problem is mine alone. The trigger occurs, and then I am left with a decision. Do what is good and right. Or do what I so long to do in my bones. 

Anyway, I don't wish to go on trying to make this clearer. I resolve to be better, I am just not sure yet in what way and how. I will be thinking about my resolutions in the coming days and weeks, and I will give them the proper attention they require.